It always happens this way.
Everything’s the same, but nothing is familiar. Vermont’s no different than when I left (as stunningly picturesque as always), but everything in my life is so radically different that it feels I am covering new ground.
And I guess in a way, I am.
Part of the reason why it’s so different probably has to do with my housing situation. Sure, I have a place to sleep, but it’s not the most practical location. Also, the thought of being there alone gives me the jeebies. It’s not that there’s bad energy – the place is brand new – but everything echoes, and it’s so silent…but with a dog to care for, stability can be key. It’s much harder to couch surf with an 8 month old pup.
Man, I’m not used to this. I’ve always been surrounded by peers, friends, people I could just be around without having to face my own inner turmoil. Things are a bit different now that I’m a “floater”, I guess. I feel estranged, disconnected, unsure of what to do with myself.
[To top it all off, I might add, I’m sitting in a McDonald’s of all places. Don’t fret – I’m merely leeching off of their free WiFi (I didn’t even buy the usual obligatory $1 coffee) – but just being in here is kinda depressing.]
Divine guidance has been on my mind a lot lately.
I know there’s something out there for me, but it’s all so damn elusive lately.
It’s all a test, it’s all a quest,
but just a little something tangible to hold onto would be nice.
I pray for the gentle rains of spiritual enlightenment
and self-compassion to nourish the
parched roots of faith within my soul.