Tag Archives: spirituality

Vibration Salvation

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I am standing
Suspended
In a dome of ethereal transparency
Glass-like, yet fluid,
Shimmering eminating vibrations
These walls
The only thing between me and
Galaxies of limitless knowledge,
Expansion, understanding,
Wordless transcendence I see
Just beyond my reach
Slightly distorted, yet infinitely
There
Available
If only…

As I wake, a door
Begins to form in front of me,
The lock nowhere to be seen.
Confusion and frustration
Cloud my mind in self-doubt and judgment
Why am I here
Staring at a door
When I could be discovering
And uncovering trans-galactic mysteries?
But transformation within
Abundant compassion and acceptance
Self-understanding
Clears away the fog
And I can’t help but laugh
As I realize that the door is,
In fact,
Me.

Salutation Meditation

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I watch the sun
climb its way up from its
bed, the horizon,
beaming rays of
morning glory onto
the face of our Mother.
as I sit, enraptured by this
celebration of life, it seems
the sun is whispering to me
“I am here!”
in joyful song.
But through my musings, I remember
that the sun is not actually rising,
as we so often say;
we are in fact the ones twisting and hurtling
in an eternal orbit of
this tiny corner
of space,
revolving around
the Sun’s life-giving flares.
I ponder on such marvels, that
we are the ones
who twirl in an eternal dance
to greet the sun and the moon each day.
Opening my eyes, I taken in
the golden-tinted wonder
around me.
Smiling, I stretch out my arms
and whisper back,
“Welcome, my friend!”

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*photos not mine

Muck Stuck

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Many words of wisdom have reached my ears, and unfortunately many have become lost in the fog that is my memory. One phrase, however, has faithfully popped back in my mind during times of increased stress and trouble.

Claire, sometimes when you’re stuck in the muck, you just gotta sit in it.

I still remember my reaction when I heard those words.

What?!

That can’t be right.

That doesn’t make sense…does it? Just sitting there?

How will I get out?!

Wait….

And then, a sense of overwhelming peace and reassurance.

Wow, it’s so true. THANK YOU.

I didn’t know who I was thanking, and I still don’t. I do know, however, that meditating on this concept has brought me an exuberant (yes, exuberant) amount of confidence and inner peace.

Whether we want to believe it or not, we can’t possibly control every situation in our life. The amount of control we do have is based solely on our actions and reactions to what we experience. For instance, I may not be able to control the fact that our car is now completely useless. I can, however, control how I choose to see the situation.

Honestly, the situation has been pretty stressful to me. The whole reason we (my partner Raven and I) came back to Vermont was to pay off the car so we could travel without financial obligations. We’ve been having an unusually hard time finding means to make money, and not for lack of trying – I’ve diligently scoured craigslist, asked everyone I know (and don’t know) for any job opportunities they may know of, written a new resume, applied for jobs…you name it. Still, it didn’t matter. Weeks after weeks of searching to find pretty much nothing.

Then, three days ago, the entire car pretty much stopped working. The transmission went kaput, the alternator fell out, the belt wore down, the brakes were about to fail, and the supposedly “new” battery was about dead. The car went from working to useless in a matter of hours.

We were angry, we were scared, we were stressed, we were confused. There was plenty of yelling and crying to go around.

My first thought when encountering a breakdown (car, life, or otherwise) like this is almost always the same:

How can I get out of this situation?

I kind of see the situation as a puzzle to figure out, or a challenge to complete. Get things “back to normal”, and you’ll win.

Win what?

The answer was never clear.

Then, I realized that I was asking the wrong question entirely. The situation didn’t happen simply for me to try to escape it – like the good times, the bad times also exist for me to experience. Struggling in the muck will only further entrap me, bogging me down as I sink deeper into filth. But if I can just let it be and simply sit, focusing on my own inner peace instead of the outside stressors, it’ll be much easier to see the way out. Also, just throwing it out there – mud is not a bad or negative substance. It pulls the toxins out of our bodies, and even supports certain forms of life.

As Thich Naht Hahn said:

 

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Today’s meditation:

How has “the muck” enriched your life?

With Different Eyes

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It always happens this way.

Everything’s the same, but nothing is familiar. Vermont’s no different than when I left (as stunningly picturesque as always), but everything in my life is so radically different that it feels I am covering new ground.

And I guess in a way, I am.

Part of the reason why it’s so different probably has to do with my housing situation. Sure, I have a place to sleep, but it’s not the most practical location. Also, the thought of being there alone gives me the jeebies. It’s not that there’s bad energy – the place is brand new – but everything echoes, and it’s so silent…but with a dog to care for, stability can be key. It’s much harder to couch surf with an 8 month old pup.

Man, I’m not used to this. I’ve always been surrounded by peers, friends, people I could just be around without having to face my own inner turmoil. Things are a bit different now that I’m a “floater”, I guess. I feel estranged, disconnected, unsure of what to do with myself.

[To top it all off, I might add, I’m sitting in a McDonald’s of all places. Don’t fret – I’m merely leeching off of their free WiFi (I didn’t even buy the usual obligatory $1 coffee) – but just being in here is kinda depressing.]

Divine guidance has been on my mind a lot lately.

I know there’s something out there for me, but it’s all so damn elusive lately.

It’s all a test, it’s all a quest,

but just a little something tangible to hold onto would be nice.

 

 

I pray for the gentle rains of spiritual enlightenment

and self-compassion to nourish the

parched roots of faith within my soul.

Living Full Circle

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It’s funny how life goes in circles, isn’t it?

I left Vermont on September 15th, with no intention to return within the next few years. Yet here I am, enjoying the familiarity of young adult life in this small town. It’s not all the same, but it’s pretty damn close. And, honestly, I’m pretty okay with that.

On another happy note, the farmer’s markets here in Caledonia County all accept EBT cards! They have this really cool system where EBT funds are exchanged dollar for dollar – I swipe my card, and am given the exact dollar amount that I request in $1 tokens. Of course, there are restrictions to what I can buy. I can’t get non-food items like soaps, candles, alcohol, etc. But I’m able to get the goodies that pique my interest – raw milk, duck eggs/local chicken eggs, veggies, cheese, etc! I don’t have a lot of EBT funds, but it’s nice to know that I can support local farmers with the government’s money. In this particular case, I don’t feel guilty about using governmental benefits. It helps both myself (spiritually, physically and mentally) and the wonderful farms in Vermont!

I have no idea how things are going to unfold during my time here….the mystery always waits until the last second to reveal itself. I guess I don’t mind, though – it always makes for an interesting show ;) With $6 to my name, no place to stay, and bills looming over my head, I can’t wait to see what miracle unfolds. Hopefully we will start working soon! It’s time to be “responsible” (or whatever… :P ) and pay off our car. It’s a hefty price, but I know all will be well. <3